In the moment we act in a certain way we often don’t realise how we act. And it happens to all of us that later we feel bad about what we said or did. At the moment it’s happening we are the actor of the movie. We’re totally with it, we live it and we block other perspectives and concentrate on our way of seeing things. We are being emotional and act accordingly.
Be the observer, not the actor of your movie
On the other hand, analysing later on what happened allows another dimension of seeing things. When our emotions calmed down and we take a deep breath to think about what the hell happened we are no longer actors, but watchers of our own movie. We are able to dissociate from the movie and get a way better picture of what was or is going on.
I call this bird perspective. Whenever I think I may not be objective enough to take into account all necessary aspects I zoom myself out.
I then see myself like a bird in the sky looking at Jana and her “big” problem that seems so tiny from above. And I don’t see just her but other people involved as well. I am the observer of the situation trying to understand the whole picture and not only a piece of it. This little visualisation is powerful, I can tell you!
Get out of self-talk and see yourself from a third perspective
The other day I kept thinking about an issue I’ve been having. I had a brilliant self-talk in my head that was leading nowhere. I was making a small problem bigger by thinking too much about it. So I said enough is enough. Instead of “living” the situation in person I lifted myself up to be the bird. To see Jana down there on earth and re-evaluate the whole thing from another perspective. Guess what? I figured out it’s not that bad nor that important as my self-talk was trying to tell me .
It’s a small and easy type of visualizations I am suggesting here. Usually it helps to dissociate from a bothering past memory or future imagination. You try not to be in your body when you think of it, but out of it. Just a third person observing you. This helps to break the emotional bound with the situation. And when seeing yourself from the sky you just see everything smaller – yourself and the problem.
Just try it out!